When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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