I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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