I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
