Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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