There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
