There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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