Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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