Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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