Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
