found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
