when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
