I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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