hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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