I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
