I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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