It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
