I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
