my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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