There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
