"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
