I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
