you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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