"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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