I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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