I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
