Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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