who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
