She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
