The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
