there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Someone shattered a urinal.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
