I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
