He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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