There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
