they need to just BURY HIM!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
