When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Even my vagina gasped.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i think i just lost a toe
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
