New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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