I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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