sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
