ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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