Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish I only lived at night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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