Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
