I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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