Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
