remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
