I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
