This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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