A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
