When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
