3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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