Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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