Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
